I don’t think this will quite be the last time I write about my Doctor of Ministry studies, but it’s getting close – which means the degree is getting close too! I’m going to tell you about my final class that I took in January, but also want to update you on how my studies are wrapping up. As I write this in mid-February, I am preparing for presenting my final Thesis project at McCormick Seminary in Chicago on February 20. This will be a time to get feedback on my Thesis from professors and peers, and then make final edits to my Thesis project. With completion of the final course and of my Thesis, I’m looking ahead to GRADUATION on Saturday, May 11! – more about that as the date gets closer. But that brings me back to my final course. Some of you might have noted through bulletin announcements in early January, that I travelled to San Francisco Theological Seminary (SFTS) for this course, and although it was great to be able to travel west in January, it was simply all about just getting a last course done.
Now perhaps you don’t really believe me that I had a bad attitude going into this course, but it truly was the case that for various reasons I was having a difficult time finding a final course to take at McCormick, and San Francisco was my only option to get my coursework done! And so it came to be that even though it would have not been my first choice, I ended up registered for a course on ‘contemplative practices for courageous leadership.’ Now, don’t get me wrong, I respect and love many people who are in the more mystical, contemplative end of the spirituality pool – it’s just that I don’t like to hang out much in that part of the pool. So I was willing to go to SFTS and put in my time for this course, but I was determined that I wasn’t going to enjoy it and that I wasn’t going to get much out of it!
But then something happened: I enjoyed the course! I enjoyed hanging out with the mystics and contemplatives, and I even brought home some practices personally and pastorally to share. And the thing that was meaningful about the week, is that this was not a packaged 5-day how-to program on contemplative leadership. Rather it was a challenging (in a gentle, mystical way :)) exploration of how one’s internal life shapes one’s interactions and relationships with others. Perhaps that seems obvious, but in fact in many circles including church circles, there are many “success” programs presented as packaged steps to follow. This week at SFTS offered something different, something counter-cultural. It offered the challenge to listen: to listen to my past, both the good and the difficult; to listen to my gifts and my faults; to listen to my pain and my joy; to listen to the Spirit and to Wisdom; and, perhaps most importantly, to breathe deeply.
I’m not sure if all that sounds simple or complicated or peculiar or inviting to you, but for me the week was a gift of being reminded about the life-giving need simply (profoundly) to pay attention. It is only as I pay attention more fully to what is happening in myself and to what I need to thrive, that I can then truly also pay attention to you and really listen for who you are and what you need. It is only as I pay attention to the pain and hope in me, that I can be in solidarity more deeply with the pain and joy in the world. It is only as I listen to the Spirit (and the mystics teach that listening can often be about silence), that there is a clearer way to see my own gifts and my own need for wholeness.
What also became clear to me from the SFTS week is that all of what I’m reflecting on and trying to express here has very much to do with the polarities of action & formation, outward journey & inward journey, that we have been exploring at Hope Church over the past number of months. And it reinforced in me that these interplays are vital for us to pay attention to as a community of faith in an ongoing way.
So now, reluctant contemplative convert that I am: I’m lighting a candle at the beginning of GIFT Class (for 8th and 9th graders) and taking a few moments of reflection to listen to our lives and to remember God loves us; I am determined each day to take at least one very deep breath, and it is remarkable how good that feels; I am paying attention to gratitude in the midst of both joy and challenge; I am leaning into listening more honestly to myself and to others. And I am, as always, so very grateful for your support for me throughout this Doctor of Ministry program, for the gift of the time and space to explore such things.
Now…take a deep breath in…and out…(doesn’t that feel good?!)
Peace,
~Gordon